To keep everyone’s attention off her larger than normal size at the moment, Jessica Simpson has jumped on the Rihanna/ abusive relationship bandwagon. Jess actually announced to her audience Friday night that she has been in an abusive relationship but she won’t name names. But she doesn’t really have to.

I think we can all rule out Nick Lachey and Dane Cook …so that really only leaves John Mayer The Player.

John, ya know, the dude who openly blog-bitched last year to an “ex lover” to “find someone who can put up with you”? The press-loving Mayer man who breaks up with his most recent squeeze right after she flaunts him at the Oscars? And the same guy who made this down-to-earth Texan gal do all sorts of stuff—in the bedroom, as well as in all sorts of other dank, depressing places—she wouldn’t have done if she truly respected herself?

I can totally see that happening with that a-hole.

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