Lindsay Lohan says she is really the victim in this rehab worker/ battery thing. Now that she is facing yet another violation of her probation for sneaking out of rehab and drinking, she has come up with a plausible story to keep her out of jail.

So the rehab worker says Lindsay was caught sneaking back in the facility after a night out and refused a breathalizer test. A confrontation ensued and the worker says Lindsay pushed her and sprained her arm and Lindsay says the worker screamed at her so much that ‘she made her cry’.

Lindsay says that she was not drinking, that she had just left without permission to get her hair did. Since the worker failed to get a Lilo to consent to a breathalizer test there is no proof that she was drinking and that idiot rehab worker went straight to TMZ to get some cash and got her dumb ass fired. No her side of the story is no longer credible.

In the end Lindsay will be cleared, again and finish up her rehab in three weeks just in time to hit the clubs by the Chinese New Year!

I didn’t read too much about this because I have The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion DVR’d and am waiting on the perfect moment to watch. You know, with no husband or kids in the house. So I can turn up the volume and hear the Jersey drama as Bravo intended.

But I did find out that the reason that Teresa Giudice went off on Danielle and pushed poor Andy Cohen around like a ragdoll.

The F-bomb barrage started with a question from Danielle to Teresa: “Did you acknowledge your nephew? Did you?” Teresa replied, “Yeah, of course I did,” but after pausing for a second, she exploded. EXPLODED!

So, what’s the story behind the “nephew” drama? A friend of Teresa’s reveals that what viewers saw was Danielle accusing her co-star of not visiting a nephew in the hospital at his birth. I’m told Teresa was at the hospital when the child was born last April, and that he’s perfectly fine and beautiful.
Teresa was actually confused as to what Danielle was even talking about. But what set her off was the sudden realization that Danielle was dipping her toes into her private business.

And that’s as far as I went digging. Apparently things got so ugly it took the other housewives a while to get over it.

“Insanity, complete insanity,” is how Caroline Manzo described the scene. “ We filmed for ten hours and by the end of the day, I was speechless. It took me two days to recover, I seriously could not compose a rational thought for hours.”

The Aspen Police Department released the full report from the Christmas time incident that started all the drama/rehab/divorce between Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller. And it’s very enlightening.  If these two could be anymore selfish and ridiculous I would be surprised. Of course, the story has Sheen-spin on it so this version makes Brooke the bad guy.

In the report the officer states, “[Sheen] … explained that he and the daughter share an affinity for both astronomy and the song ‘Drops of Jupiter‘ from the band ‘Train.’”

“[Sheen] added that he bought two tracking telescopes; one for his daughter and one for him so they could both look at the same point in the universe at the same time, as a way of staying connected.”

Sheen told the cops the argument escalated and they eventually started to “slap” at “each others hands or wrists.”

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Yesterday every celebrity gossip blogger and their brother was claiming that Ashlee Simpson got sloppy drunk and confronted her husband’s ex at Monday nights DJ Hero event. One source says that although Pete Wentz and his wife had a pleasant convo with his ex-girlfriend Michelle Trachtenberg and her boyfriend..the claws came out as the drinks kept flowing.

“Pete and Ashlee had a pleasant conversation with Michelle and her boyfriend for close to 20 minutes,” says a champagne-poppin’ spywitness. ”Ashlee got very very drunk and she also kept making frequent bathroom trips.”

“As the evening went on and Ashlee started to get sloppier, things got out of control,” a partygoer confesses. “A loud and obnoxious Ashlee began giving her husband a lap dance

. She was staring directly at Michelle and starting hurling insults at her..She was grinding up on Pete like a stripper. It was actually pretty disgusting!”

A completely wasted Ashlee screamed at Michelle, “I hope you know, the whole time you were dating Pete, I was f***ing him!”

But did it really happen that way?

As Ashlee’s rep spins it…

“It was just a misunderstanding,” the publicist tells us. “Ashlee has since apologized to Michelle, and they remain on good terms.”

Justin Long must be all that and a brand new Mac. His boy next charm worked like magic on Drew Barrymore and Kirsten Dunst, to the extent that the two can’t stand to be a room together anymore.

Both Drew and Kirsten were hangin’ backstage at last weekend’s filming of Saturday Night Live when the tension started to build. Drew was kickin it with Cameron Diaz, who was making a cameo on the show that night and Kirsten was there for moral support for her Spiderman co-star James Franco who was hosting the show. (And who might be secretly gay but that’s another story)

“Drew and Kirsten had a really awkward run-in,” one witness tells OK!. “James had to deflect the situation by making a joke and walking away with Kirsten while Drew then fumed about it to Cameron.”

The awkwardness continued on at the after party until the wee hours of the morning. Sadly, no girl-on-girl fight broke out. I hate to lower myself, but I would’ve been interested to see if Kiki fights like a girl or if she throws real punches. It does seem a bit overdramtic … all this over the Mac Guy? I just don’t see it. Now I really feel bad for PC.

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