“We would move to Beverly Hills in a heartbeat. We would be psyched if this happened for us,” Spencer recently said. Of course they would.

The show is a HUGE hit and it’s unclear if Kim Richards will be sober enough and Camille Grammer smart enough to return next season. The Montag-Pratt peeps think added these two idiots to the BH mix would increase the drama and be publicity coup for Bravo. I know Bravo has shown some poor scruples in the past on the Housewives shows…most recently airing the limo scene when Kyle outs Kim…but I’m holding out hope the don’t go the Speidi route.

I just don’t think it’s going to happen. The draw of this Housewife show is the overindulgent, lavish lifestyle these people live. Heidi and Spencer can’t afford to buy a coke much less keep up with these Joneses.

“I’M DESPERATE TO GO BACK TO NORMAL LIFE AGAIN” – HEIDI MONTAG TO LIFE & STYLE
Just one week after the untimely death of her plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan, Heidi Montag sat down exclusively with Life & Style to tell-all about her plastic surgery regrets, revealing that she wants her outrageous G implants removed.

“I’m desperate to go back to normal,” she confides to Life & Style. “I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.”

More than nine months after she went under the knife on Nov. 20, Heidi says she is still in severe pain and her body has not gotten used to the over the top boob job. “I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren’t working so I stopped. It hurt either way,”

Besides being unable to hug her four dogs or wear anything but custom-made clothing, “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs,” she says. “It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

“I love Heidi but our marriage was a show – it was part of The Hills world,” Pratt said Friday. “And that world is on a sound stage.”

Since Heidi filed for divorce last Friday..Spencer has been emotional and/or drunk tweeting to MTV and Lauren Conrad about the split. Because what else would he do? Try to find a real job?

@mtv I got served with divorce papers? I thought that preacher at the wedding was one of the actors like my paid friends and family & exWIFE
@mtv This whole time I have really been married? I thought we did that for ratings?
@MTV Heidi left me seasons ago! Hello! she just didn’t have beefy LC to film with anymore so she had to be stuck with King Spencer! sucker
@laurenconrad beefy now your dreams and prays have come true so now your free to try and date my ex-wife! SEE you in MALIBU @ BUI beefy LC

Seriously..are these pictures hilarious or what? I should have put them with Heidi Montag Transformers 3 video two posts below…but I really felt they deserved their own place of honor.

Well..it’s less of an ‘audition tape’ and more of an ‘Spencer recording Heidi shooting a gun on his iphone’ but you get the point.

There is no way in hell Michael Bay is going to cast Franken-Heidi as Shia Lebeouf’s love interest in Transformers 3. Mostly because I’m guess Shia would say ‘see ya later..no way I’m kissing that and fighting ginormous Autobots’.

Although….Michael Bay does love a trashy looking chick….

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag seem to have a perfect home life on The Hills, but Life & Style magazine says the truth is they live in a unsafe, unkempt, mediocre house in Pacific Palisades. And not only that…according to L&S’s source, Heidi is pretty much being held captive.

“Heidi has been allowed to leave the house only three times in the last month,” the insider tells Life & Style. And Spencer’s even moved a guard into the house. “He’s let one of his new friends, a former Marine named Paul “Cougar” Zank, move in with them. He’s staying in the guest room,” a second insider says. “Heidi’s upset about it, but Spencer doesn’t care.”

The insider shares frightening never-before-seen photos of their actual home far from Hollywood in LA’s Pacific Palisades area. The kitchen and living room are filled with Spencer’s crystals, stacks of his screenplays and junk everywhere. “Their four dogs aren’t housebroken,” an insider tells Life & Style. “They go to the bathroom all over the house. Heidi is sometimes near tears at the dogs’ mess, but Spencer just orders her to pick it up.”

As much I want this story to be true, I have a feeling this is a planted fake…by the evil one himself. I do think Spencer would do and say all those things to Heidi. I do not think he would ever lower himself to live in this house.

In this week’s issue of Star, we reveal Heidi’s regrets about getting DDD breast implants and having her chin shaved down. “And she’s telling friends, ‘I made a mistake!’,” a family friend tells Star.

Swollen wracked with pain, Heidi’s dream body feels more like a prison. “She cries every night,” a source says. “She’s a wreck over what she’s done to herself.” Another insider adds, “She’s in so much pain, she doesn’t like anyone to touch her,” and hubby Spencer Pratt is no exception.

I suppose that’s where the pain pill addiction rumors started. I really can’t believe it’s legal (or ethical) for a doctor to perform that many surgeries at one time. Homegirl is going to be in pain for a few more minutes I’m afraid.

Watch Heidi Montag face the music with her family as she returns home to Colorado. It’s awesome!

“Of course I thought you were more beautiful before,” her mom said. “I thought you were younger, I thought you were fresher looking, I thought you were healthier. What’s done is done.”

Later on the family is eating dinner at a restaurant, which proves difficult for Heidi.

“How’s that burger?” her sister Holly asked.

“I can’t really chew it,” Heidi said, struggling with a mouthful of meat.

Please enjoy the video of the title track of her album…Superficial. Before you start laughing, there is some entertainment value in this video. It’s the cheese factor..but that’s about all you get with the Montag.

“This is real footage we’ve collected over the years,” Heidi told People of the video. “I’m a reality star and wanted to bring that into my music video. Someone like Lady Gaga has to fake paparazzi for her video and create that whole world but that’s the real life I live,” Heidi adds. “That’s my reality. “

Someone like Lady Gaga has actual talent, too. With that often comes music that actually sells and videos with actual budgets to promote it.