For a minute we thought the gang might be headed out to a costume party. Tom Cruise dressed as The Penquin, Katie Holmes as Cleopatra, Victoria Beckham does Cruella DeVille. But when we got to David Beckham, and he just looks like a hot guy in a suit so we figured they were just going out to dinner or a brainwashing ceremony or something.

An ex-Scientologist has spilled the beans on how Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes met and fell in love. Marc Headley told Britain’s News of the World that after Tom split from Penelope Cruz in 2004 he confided in his BFF and church leader, David Miscavige, that he was having trouble meeting women. So his buddy hooked him up by sending out a casting call for an “audition” for young, pretty actresses in their twenties.

While a few female Scientologists were rounded up — Traffic’s Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami’s Sofia Milos — they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. “They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” Marc says. “Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape…”

Katie Holmes only came into play because she had previously talked about having a crush on Tom when she was younger. Talk about ‘be careful what you wish for’!

“They got her to L.A. and introduced her to Tom. The moment he meets her, he’s enthralled with her and he told Miscavige later, “I knew immediately she was the one,” Marc says.

In case you can’t take the full nine minutes of Tom Cruise crazy…here are the highlights.

“I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist, and it’s something that you have to earn because a Scientologist does… has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and know absolutely that you can help them.

“Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident… you know you have to do something about it because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

“But that’s what drives me… I know that we have an opportunity to really help… effectively change people’s lives and I am dedicated to that. I am absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that.

“We are the authorities on getting people off drugs, we are the authorities on the mind, we are the authorities on improving conditions… we can rehabilitate criminals.

“Traveling the world and meeting the people that I’ve met, talking with these leaders in various fields, they want help and they are depending on people who know and who can be effective and do it and that’s us. That is our responsibility to do that.

“It is the time now. Now is the time… Being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, so you better know it, you better know it and if you don’t, go and learn it, but don’t pretend you know it. It’s like we’re here to help.

“So it’s our responsibility to educate, create the new reality. We have that responsibility to say, ‘Hey, this is the way it should be done because we do it this way and people are actually getting better.’

“And let’s get it done. Let’s really get it done and have enough love and compassion and toughness that you’re really going to do it and do it right.

“I have to tell you something – it is rough and tumble, and it’s wild and wooly, and it’s a blast, it’s a blast, it really is fun because, dammit, there is nothing better than the going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see things are better.

“I want to know that I’ve done everything I could everyday, and I think about those people out there who are depending on us. I think about that and it does make me feel that we’ve got more work. I need more help, get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena. Really, that’s how I feel about it.

“I do what I can, and I do it the way I do everything. [laughs] There’s nothing part-of-the way for me.”

Biographers in the UK must have brass cahones. Princess Diana’s biographer is at it again on our side of the pond and attacking Tom Cruise and everyone close to him, even little Suri. Andrew Morton’s new book Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography claims that Scientology has control over every aspect of his life. So where’s the shock in that you ask? That is pretty much public knowledge. But the rest of this stuff isn’t.

1. Tom’s daughter with Katie Holmes, Suri, was conceived like Rosemary’s Baby, a film “in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child.” Morton claims that some “fanatical” Scientologists believe that Suri is the result of a sperm donation by Scientology’s dead founder, L. Ron Hubbard.
2. Morton implies that Scientology executives contributed to the failure of Tom’s marriage to Nicole Kidman. He writes that because Nicole’s father was a psychologist (a science said to be frowned upon by the religion) and that she had given an interview emphasizing her roots as a Catholic that she would “compromise Tom’s commitment to his faith.” When the couple split in 2000, Morton claims that Nicole was worried that she might not be able to see the two children the couple had adopted (Isabella and Conor). He also states that she was worried that her Scientology “audit” tapes, which contained details of her sex life, might be leaked if she spoke out.
3. The author says that Penelope Cruz’s father, Eduardo, feared that his daughter would be drawn into a “cult” while she dated her Vanilla Sky co-star, and “emailed an organization devoted to helping cult members and their families.”
4. Morton says that Tom’s current mission is to recruit David and Victoria Beckham. The 45-year-old took Scientology leader David Miscavige to a Real Madrid game in 2004 and when the Beckhams moved to Los Angeles in July last year, he threw them a celebratory party.

The Daily Mail also discloses that Morton claims that Tommy boy is “de-facto second in command of the Church of Scientology.” The book will be published on January 15. That is if Tom doesn’t set his theton’s on the publishing house, or at the very least, his attorney.

Tyra Banks Don’t Really Hate Britney Spears Ya’ll - The Blemish

Why Are We Naming Airplanes After The Spice Girls - Girls Talkin Smack

Is Michelle Trachtenberg The Next Pregnant Celeb? - Drunken Stepfather (NSFW Site)

Find Out What Turns Tom Cruise On…If You Dare - Gabby Babble

Now That Tara Reid Is Thin Guys Love Her - Derek Hail 

Mandy Moore Has Great Legs! - Jordan Is Your Homeboy

As If We Need Another Reason To Think Marilyn Manson Is Creepy - Celebrity Smack

Meet The New Knight Rider - Seriously?OMG!WTF!

Reese Witherspoon Is Way Too Classy For Vince Vaughn - Celeb Parasite

Lily Allen Nip Slip - Hollywood Sleazy (NSFW Site)

 Preview Trailer for the 7th Season of Jack Bauer On 24 - CraveOnline

Dog The Bounty Hunter Suspended Indefinately aka Cancelled - The Blemish

Bai Ling Topless….Again - The Feeding Tube (NSFW Site)

Carrie Underwood Gets Animated - Girls Talkin Smack

Princess Stephanie Looks Fantastic In A Bikini - Drunken Stepfather (NSFW Site)

Vanessa Hudgens Gets Mad Money For High School Musical 3 - Ninja Dude

Dita Von Teese Fredrick’s Of Hollywood Lingerie - Bumpshack

Tom Cruise and Will Smith Are BFF’s - Gabby Babble

Did We Read This Right? Angelina Jolie Was Shy About Doing Nude Scenes - Derek Hail

Hayden Panettiere Outsmarts Photograhers Trying To Get An Upshirt Shot - Jordan Is Your Homeboy

Sara Jessica Parker Ok With Being Unsexy - Celebrity Smack

Britney Spears Looking Pale Tired and Bloated - Seriously?OMG!WTF!

David Hans Schmidt was found dead in his Phoenix townhouse last Friday after police noted that his house arrest tracker had not moved in a while. Schmidt had agreed to plead guilty to plot to extort more than $1 million from Tom Cruise for stolen photos taken at his wedding to Katie Holmes in Italy. Schmidt was under house arrest and facing up to two years in federal prison.

Authorities say it appears that he had committed suicide. At least that what the Scientologist told us.

Most kids look forward to summer camp, but not if your dad is Tom Cruise and you get shipped off for several weeks of brainwashing. Tom has shipped his two adopted children, Conner and Isabella off to summer camp run by the Church of Scientology. One source says that they summer camp is part of the churchs “get ‘em while their young” program. Oh they have fun. They ride horses, do crafts and go swimming but much of their day is devoted to Scientology course work. Thanks,dad.