Charlie Sheen says while he respects Ashton Kutcher’s chops…he is sure he is going to go down with the ship.

“Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer … Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there.”

Ashton on the other hand is super excited to start his new gig:

“I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in the viewers’ homes. I can’t replace Charlie Sheen but I’m going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people.”

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Despite the very clever maneuver of bring one of his goddess to court with him today, he did not walk away with custody of his twin boys.  The custody agreement stands the way it was even though Brooke Mueller admits she has fallen off the wagon and took her cracky ass back to rehab.

Despite appearing “unsteady on her feet” and “glassy eyed” Mueller was all smiles as she left the court house – but was keeping mum – telling RadarOnline.com: “No comment” when asked if she was pleased with the decision.
A source says that while Mueller undergoes drug treatment at an undisclosed rehab facility, her mother will provide primary care for the boys.

At least he was lucid enough to bring the smart porn star. Natalie Kenly can at least put a sentence together without saying the work “like” 15 times.

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So the reviews from Charlie Sheen’s second show in Chicago were remarkably better than his first stinker in Detroit. It’s a testament to his huge ego that he thought he could go on stage in ‘one-man-show’ mode and knock it out of the park having never done anything like that in his life. Stand-up comedians always do tons of dry-runs before they do a big show, but this dude thought he could just walk on stage and people would eat up his bitchen-ness just because he IS.

Does Dr. Drew do rehab for overdeveloped egos?

Anyway, there must be at least one intelligent person in Charlie’s camp because the second show consisted of funny celebrity related party stories. That’s what people want to here. How Charlie Sheen got high with Mick Jagger. Tales from his Heidi Fleiss days. That’s the good stuff.

Speaking of good stuff. While Charlie was struggling with his busted goddesses this weekend, his ex-wife Denise Richards was WINNING and looking FABULOUS in the Bahamas with her daughters.

The warlock obviously doesn’t understand the theory of KARMA.

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I was monitoring the reviews late last night of Charlie Sheen’s first show in Detroit last night…and kids…it wasn’t pretty. It was so bad that I keep expecting to read that the rest of the tour has been canceled. Which I have mixed feelings about because I have tickets for madness when it hits the ATL. On one hand I am dying to see the trainwreck (don’t judge you’ve all been following it too) and on the other hand I don’t want to sit through what has been described as a total waste of time with absolutely no entertainment value at all.

EW described the hot mess of a show like this:

Charlie Sheen unleashed his Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour on the Motor City on Saturday night before a crowd that greeted the actor with an adoring standing ovation and concluded with booing and walk-outs. The padded and disjointed show was a hodgepodge of video clips and Sheen-isms that felt hastily assembled and misjudged the patience of even the hardest of hardcore fans.

The review from The Detroit Free Press wasn’t much better:

Trust me, “this is going somewhere,” Sheen said as the crowd pondered his self-declared “radical” opening monologue. The 20-minute speech included many of his catchphrases, along with sayings like, “one giant heartbeat and one conscious thought.”

But about 30 minutes into the show, the usual Sheen-isms started to sound old and tired. From the men’s restroom to the expensive seats in front, it was a restless crowd, delivering plenty of jeers and only a few cheers.

The show had video montages throughout, including a “20/20″ outtake reel that showed off his self-deprecating sense of humor. His so-called goddesses helped him burn a “Two and a Half Men” bowling shirt. Before it was all over, he asked the crowd if the goddesses should come out again. And then he asked them: How many goddesses do you have?

The show was a reminder that the pop culture phenomenon is serious about his beliefs, but most of the crowd wasn’t entertained by the loose and disorganized attempt.

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CBS head honcho Les Moonves is determined to bring Charlie Sheen back to Two and a Half Men and is in discussions with Warner Bros. Television, which produces the show and which fired Sheen earlier this month.

“Moonves wants to get the show back on the air. He’s all for it,” the insider said. “He says certain people need to forget anything and everything Charlie’s done recently and just move on with the business at hand.
The source added, “The core issue is, as he put it, the volatile relationship between Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre. He believes that if CBS and Warner Bros. TV honchos can find a way to get Chuck and Charlie to speak again, cooler heads will prevail.”

I wanna go off and say that CBS should not reward the warlock for his bad behavior but on the other hand…I really want Two and a Half Men back.

If you wanna know more about Chuck and the goddesses and the tour click here.

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