Remember when Denise Richards called for an emergency child custody hearing last week? Turns out she falsely accused Charlie Sheen of molesting their two daughters and now Chuck is going to be suing for full custody of the kids by charging that their mother is a big fat lair.

Sources say that Denise was desperate for some good content for her reality show that is doing so poorly in the ratings that E! is most likely not going to renew for another season.

“She thinks a court battle would be good for ratings so she wants all overnight visits with the girls ceased, and monitored visits with her nanny. She invited the media circus to the hearing and even wanted reporters in the judge’s chambers - which wasn’t allowed. It’s ridiculous.”

This recent move has Charlie more furious than ever and plans to sue her in civil court for defamation as well.

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These two are really starting to get ooooold. And it’s just getting started with the new Denise Richards reality show. UGH. Let us catch you kids up on what we are whining about. A three year old voice mail left by Charlie Sheen for Denise was “leaked” (thanks Denise) yesterday morning and by late afternoon Chuck was on his knees apologizing to some black guy that attended his wedding. I know, its ridiculous.

Here’s a transcript of the voice mail, with the bad words edited of course.

Yea, I just got your other email and I am a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people, and this and that, and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you’re a f*****g liar. Okay. You’re a f*****g liar. So, you know what it’s like, f**k you. Okay, I hope you rot in f****g hell. You’re a piece of s**t f*****g liar and I hope you f*****g rot in hell. So f**k you. I hope I never f*****g talk to you again you f*****g c**t. F**k you. You’re a coward and a liar and a f*****g n****r alright, so f**k you.

Geez, does he kiss his kids with that mouth? Or just hookers? Here’s his response:

“I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings.”Sheen added, however, that “three and one-half years later, the reasons that caused the anger and frustration displayed on that voice mail continue to be manifested on a daily basis” because “my children did not show up today for a custodial visit without explanation.”

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Charlie Sheen may not have 10,000 tattoos, but he has alot and they are all bad. We are assuming most of these were acquired during his drug/booze/hooker phase because they are all just randomly thrown on his body with no pattern or thought.

Denise Richards must feel like 10,000 pounds of bad ink was lifted off her shoulders the day she divorced this saggy old grandpa looking man. He is now officially Brooke Mueller’s problem. Brooke and Charlie tied the knot in a small civil service ceremony last week then jetted off to Costa Rica for a boozy honeymoon.

Calling all Two and a Half Men fans!!!!! Love the show and wish you could live the laid back, no worries California lifestyle like Charlie? Here is your chance to win a two and a half day (get it…two and a half days) trip to Malibu to get your Charlie on. Or your Alan on if you prefer. It’s Just go to www.Twoandahalfmen.com and send a cute e-card to a friend and poof you’re done. It’s uber-easy and it will make your friends work day a little brighter to see that cute little Angus T. Jones in his/her inbox.

Contest winner will recieve two round-trip airline tickets, airport transfers, lodging for 2 nights/3 days, rental car for three days and tons more Two and a Half Men goodies!

But wait! That’s not all. The first person to email us with the name of the actor who played Judith’s fiancee on the show will win a complete Season One DVD. Let’s see who the real THM fans are! Good Luck! May the Charlie be with you.

It’s getting really ugly between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. Denise filed some documents that included tons of disturbing emails that Charlie has sent to her recently to bolster her side of their raging custody battle.

“GO cry to your bald mom, you [bleeping] loser,”

“You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [bleep] yourself sad jobless pig,” reads another.

“You are an evil piece of [bleep]. I can’t wait to tell the world what a piece of [bleep] you are. You don’t get a [bleep,ing] dime till this is resolved,” says a third e-mail.

Denise says in her documents she was particularly hurt by the one about her mother who is undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer. The documents also include a picture of Charlies “erect penis” that he sent to over 30 women and used in his profile on sex sites, that surprisingly included some gay porn sites.

“I’d love to give it to you any time,” Sheen wrote to one woman under the screen name “mrjonze55.”

We all know that Charlie Sheen is a skirt chasing/sex addicted dog so this stuff comes as no surprise. The fact that he sent it in emails to his ex-wife trying to get ahold of of Three and a Half Men money is what is blows our mind. Dumbass.

Charlie Sheen may be a cheating dog, but he sure is romantic. Charlie gave his current girlfriend Brooke Mueller a heart shaped, jewel encrusted gold band for Valentines Day over a posh dinner in Beverly Hills sparking engagement rumors. We hope that this one is just that, a rumor. Charlie is really not husband material and unless this girl has been living under a rock she has to know all the sordid details of Charlie’s past by now. You know what? I take that back. I hope Charlie marries this girl and then we can sit back and watch the entertaining family dynamics between Denise Richards new family and this one. Brilliant!

Denise Richard and Charlie Sheen have found a way to be civil to each other despite their nasty divorce. Although apparantly Charlie has not found a way to treat his new girl with any respect. (She’s the sad looking gal trailing behind)

After several months of negotiations, “Two and a Half Men” star Charlie Sheen is said to finalizing a new contract that will have him earning $350,000 per episode this season. That would make the highest paid sit-com actor on tv today. I just don’t know if Charlie is $350,000 worth of funny.

This comes as good news to Charlie who has been wondering how in the hell he was going to pay his alimony, child support and maintain his current hooker/gambling budget.