Three things come to mind when viewing these Miami beach bikini pictures of Lindsay Lohan.

1. She is getting really thin..even for her. I’m pretty sure those boy short bottoms that are falling off her ass are supposed to be tight and form fitting.

2. Where is Samantha? She doesn’t let LiLo go out alone…especially in a bikini?

3. Doesn’t that long ass Crystal Gale hair drive her batty????? Just looking at it makes me want to put my hair up in a pony tail.

I don’t say this often for fear of sounding like a lame teenager, but OMG!

What the hell fire happened to my sweet, sexy Joaquin Phoenix. Just a few months after he announced he was retiring from acting to focus on his music…he shows up at Liv nightclub in Miami this week wearing a woman’s hair clip in his greasy hair and looking like he is living his life according to the gospels of Jim Morrison.

Bloated, dirty and perpetually drunk these days, Joaquin has all his friends worried that he may need a second trip to rehab for his drinking…but no one seems to be able to reach him these days.

‘Everyone wants to help but nobody’s been able to break through. His bizarre behaviour has everyone worried. It’s just getting scary.’ After a spell in rehab in 2005 and his recent erratic behaviour, the actor is cutting an increasing bizarre figure on the Hollywood social scene.

Everyone agrees that Joaquin has been on the wrong path ever since he saw his brother River Phoenix die of a drug overdose back in 1993. It’s very sad when a 19 year old kid watches his big brother die…but come on dude…it’s been 15 years. Surely your therapist has made some progress at this point?

The Vermont State Police arrested actor Matt Dillon for excessive speed last night.

State Police say they clocked Dillon, 44, driving 106 mph on Interstate 91 in Newbury. It happened around 10 p.m. Tuesday. Troopers say Dillon, of New York, was driving a rented 2009 Chevy Impala. The posted speed was 65. Police say they arrested Dillon, processed him, and released him on a citation for excessive speed. He is due in Orange District Court Jan. 21.

What’s up Matty? 109 mph in an Impala? Were you just bored in Vermont?

Collegiate comedy favorite Dane Cook has been royally ripped off….by his BROTHER. TMZ reported yesterday that Dane’s business manager/brother has been arrested for stealing millions of dollars from his famous sibling.

Darryl McCauley — who was in charge of Cook’s financial affairs since the 90s — was arrested today by the Massachusetts State Police and charged with three counts of larceny and forgery. Authorities say in one case, Dane’s bro forged a $3 million check and deposited it in his account. McCauley will be arraigned tomorrow in Woburn District Court.

Maybe he just got sick of watching his overrated brother get the money and the girls. I really can’t blame the dude.

I knew something fishy was going on with Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer when she took his dumbass back after he ran his mouth about dumping her to the paparrazzi. Jen and John split back in August and now the word on the street is that Jen asked Mayer the Player to get back together just while she was promoting ‘Marley & Me‘. And of course he agreed, since he is the one that caused her so much bad press to begin with.

Jen and her people didn’t want the interviews for the movie to center around her single status..and it seems to have work. ‘Marley & Me’ had a huge Christmas Day opening…even beating out her ex Brad Pitt with that old man movie.

Now that Jen’s movie is bankin’, she’s been anywhere and everywhere except anywhere around The Player. She spent Christmas with her BFF Courtney Cox and is currently in Mexico waiting to ring in the new year with the Cox-Arquette family.

Am I the only one surprised that Sarah Palin is letting her teenage daughter sell the pictures of her new grandson to the tabloids? Bristol Palin has made a deal with People magazine for her baby’s first pictures and she and daddy Levi are going to make $300,000 off the new little Alaskan’s sweet face.

People, who also conveniently had the exclusive on the birth, won out in the end. They reportedly paid $300,000 for the exclusive rights to the photos. In Touch magazine was apparently the only other serious bidder.

I mean, doesn’t this totally contradict SP’s fiscal / personal resposibility creed?

Although Victoria Beckham has repeatedly denied having an eating disorder, she has definitely convinced herself that she is allergic to pasta so she won’t eat carbs.

“It’s not that I avoid carbs, I’m allergic to pasta. It’s like my kryptonite. I feel like I can’t digest it properly and it makes me feel ill.”

Maybe I should try that with chocolate.

The all powerful Dallas Cowboys proved to be not all that this season and superstar quarterback Tony Romo was so upset at his suckiness that he fainted like a girl. Just minutes after the Cowboy’s season ending loss to the Philadelphia Eagles last Sunday, Tony-Lou passed out in the shower…causing chaos in the locker room.

“Shocked” players started yelling for help and pushing back reporters after Romo suddenly fell, likely due to a rib injury incurred late in the game, A stretcher was brought in by the medical team, but Romo was helped to his feet and able to walk into the training room.

When asked about the incident later, Romo, 28, told the paper, “Um, you know, I was just a little banged up, I guess. I’ve got to play better. The team’s got to play better. We didn’t play good this December. That’s obviously the story.”

Sources say that Jessica Simpson rushed to his side immediately but I imagine she is secretly happy that his season is over….now she gets her boyfriend back.