Alli Sims managed do something amazing today. She actuall got Britney Spears out of bed this morning in time for her interview with Ryan Seacrest.

Although it was not enlightening by any means, and barely even interesting, it’s fun to hear Britney’s morning smoker voice talk about how she’s doing the best she can with her kids and how cruel the world can be. The best part is when Britney abrubtly ends the interview to take a shower.

One of Britney Spears many ex-assistant’s has sold her soul and story to Us Weekly. And some groovy new Britney getting her swerve on pictures too! Kalie Machado was Brit’s assistant back in 2006 and during the time when Kevin Federline first walked out on his family.

“She wanted so badly to have the father of her babies. When Britney thought about Kevin not wanting her, she would bawl. She would look at Sean and Jayden and say, ‘Where’s your daddy? I need help. Where’s your daddy?’”

Kalie paints a sad picture of a broken hearted new mom longing for her family back. She even said Britney hung her wedding dress on the wall of her Malibu home and would just sit and cry in front of if. Kalie also told Us that Kevin knew what he was doing all along and tricked Britney into the final blow up that ended their marriage. Kalie ended her story by saying that she thinks Britney needs ‘mental help’.

Cheesy-est Movie Deaths Ever – CraveOnline

Is This Lindsay Lohan’s Halloween Bee Costume? She Is No Fun Sober – Drunken Stepfather (NSFW Site) 

Somebody Had It Out For That Cheeta Girl On Dancing With The Stars – Girls Talkin Smack

Pierce Bronson Smacks Up A Photographer – Ninja Dude

Jennifer Lopez Can’t Catch An Acting Break – The Blemish

Words Of Wisdom From Bill Cosby – Bumpshack

Ashley Olsen Hooks Up With Lance Armstrong – Gabby Babble

Christina Milian’s Vampire Marie Antoinette  Halloween Costume – Derek Hail 

Danille Lloyd Confuses Lingerie For A Halloween Costume – Celebrity Smack

Nadine Velasquez From My Name Is Earl Risque Photoshoot – Hollywood Sleazy (NSFW Site)

We don’t think anyone is surprised to hear that Britney Spears did not regain shared custody of her sons in yesterday’s hearing. And while we all know that Britney’s parenting skills are virtually non-existent, it’s still hard to hear that her boys have no real schedule or routine and live by their crazy mother’s whims. See the judges comments and parenting coach’s statements below.

From Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon:

“The environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all.”

From the parenting coach:

“During all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play. It seems that [Britney's] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.”

The coach also said Spears seemed to have a “lack of general attention at times” but there was nothing she “would characterize as abusive in a traditional sense.” “The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful.”

Commissioner Scott M. Gordon granted the pop star just two daytime visits a week, plus an overnight visit. In addition, she must get her homes childproofed by November 2 and meet with her parenting coach two hours a week. The court also ordered that Britney ensure that her kids are properly secured in a child safety seat in the car. We can’t even fathom that someone would have to be legally ordered to do these things, but we don’t live in Britneyland. That place scares us.

We’ve been racking our brains around here trying to figure out what Ashley Olsen was supposed to be dressed as for Halloween and so far all we can come up with is a Dead Little Bo Peep. If any of you kids have a better guess, please let us know.

The incessant Angelina Jolie pregnancy rumors surfaced again this week when she backed out of speaking engagement at a UN conference in Italy at the last minute. And you all know that homegirl would never bail on a chance to save the world unless she had a really good reason, which is why Italian reports claimed the reason she cancelled was because she was feeling ill due to early pregnancy. To add fuel to the fire, the London Sun printed this statement from UN-linked spokeswoman at the center where Angie was scheduled to speak:

“Angelina cancelled last week. Due to her privacy I can’t confirm her pregnancy, but I can say that the Italian newspapers are correct in their reports.”

This news comes just a week after all the major tabloids printed stories about Brangelina’s break-up. Should be fun to see next weeks covers announcing the next addition to the Jolie-Pitt army.

This will probably only amuse fans of America’s Next Top Model and for the rest of you, we apologize. We stumbled across these pictures of ANTM winner Adrianne Curry’s odd Halloween costume choice and wanted to share with our fellow ANTM lovers. We are happy to see that Adrianne had the creativity to put this Alex from A Clockwork Orange costume together, and frankly we can’t think of anyone else who could pull this off. Cheers Adrianne!

Britney Spears album Blackout dropped last night at midnight and to celebrate, OK! reports that Britney and her BFF/cousin Alli Sims hit hotspot Winston’s. Other club-goers report Britney spent the entire evening either in the bathroom or dancing on her table. She did however, take a minute to tell the bartender that she admired her physique.

‘You have nice t*ts! Mine are all saggy’!,” an eyewitness tells OK! Magazine. The bartender, somewhat dumbstruck by the comment, replied, ‘Thank you?!!’ Brit then asked the girl, “Do you wanna change? I wanna switch outfits!! Let’s switch!!’

“At this point, the bartender felt that she had no choice but to comply,” the eyewitness says. “The ladies proceeded to switch outfits and Britney happily walked back to her booth in the bartender’s duds. The bartender, clearly taken aback, but with a great attitude, went back behind the bar and continued serving drinks in Spear’s French maid outfit, telling patrons, ‘I’m wearing Britney’s costume, including her bra! She made me take her bra’!”

If you ask us, the bartender got the short end of the stick. The outfit Brit left in is much cuter than the trashy pirate wench/waitress one she went in with.